My Love Will Fill Your Bones

I’m hungry for you, my love.


Question: What does missing each other mean?


Have you ever lost something important to you? Of course you have. I’m certain that at one point in your life, you lost your favorite toy…maybe for a few minutes or possibly forever. So, you’re aware of the feeling. That feeling of complete helplessness. That knowledge that the object of your affection and attention is somewhere without you.

You might have been selfish in that moment. You might have thought that your toy must have been so lonely without you. It must have hated the cold air surrounding it instead of the warmth of your hands. It must have been beyond miserable without you.

Or maybe you were a bit more mature about it. Maybe you were actually able to admit to yourself that your heart hurt a little bit because you didn’t have it with you. Maybe you admitted that your hand felt odd and lonely without it sitting comfortably there. Maybe you were devasted wondering where it was and if it was making new toy friends…slowly forgetting about you.

Answer me this though, didn’t that feeling eventually go away? We both know it did. You probably found your toy hiding under your bed covered in dust bunnies and vowed to never let it out of your sight ever again; or maybe you found a new toy to make your favourite, or, better yet, you outgrew it and found other things to focus on. The point is, you moved on.

I don’t know what that’s like. That feeling that accompanies losing a toy? Multiply it by 5 billion. That’s what I feel when he’s not next to me. My heart can’t function at its best, my brain can’t formulate regular thought patterns. My hand feels like one half of….something that can be split in half (I can’t be bothered to think of all the things that can be cut in half).

Rip one entire side of your body off and try walking on one leg and using one arm and eating with half a mouth. Tough, isn’t it? How would you know? You didn’t actually do it! I’m just making a point. He’s the other half of me and every second that I’m not with him rips me to shreds.


Missing her can be one of the hardest things about our relationship. A lot of people get lonely, or lead lonely lives where they live alone or don’t get much human interaction. That isn’t why I miss her. I could live every day of my life alone if I hadn’t met her, but she is the one person I need to have around when possible.

Missing her feels like an extension of me has been ripped off. I know it sounds crazy, especially since we see each other pretty often (usually once a week) despite the distance, but she genuinely brings a positive energy to my life. Nothing makes me happier than the look of pure joy on her face when she finds the small things in life so exciting. Her enthusiasm drives me, I feed off of it as much as I can but I will never be as exciting as her.

Every man who is in love fears losing his woman. I’m no different. I worry sometimes, and the thought of how much I would miss her if I actually lost her paralyzes me. I’m extremely blessed to even have the opportunity to miss her, and she is the first girl I’ve ever felt like I’m truly in this. I’ll never not miss her, whether we’re fighting, whether we’re happy, or whether I’ve just dropped her off at the train station.

Missing her just confirms to me that I care as much as I do. It saddens me when I talk to some people who are in relationships who don’t miss their significant other. How could you not long for the one you say you love? They often counter with the old “Oh they just live 10 minutes away,” and for a second I become a little jealous. How easy things must be when your girl is just a short walk or bus away. Then I remember how happy I get after the long treks across the lakeshore, after the early mornings walking to the GO station to save money, because at the end of the journey is the most beautiful young woman I’ve laid eyes on.

Short distance can be a curse, I find. Some of the strongest couples I know are separated by seas or borders, finishing school elsewhere. And while many would put their love on hold, they chose to fight for it. I think Olympia and I pride ourselves on making the best of our distance (It’s nothing crazy but it’s not next door). As much as we’d love to see each other every day, we make the best of our situation by skyping almost every night, waking each other up over the phone in the morning, and checking in on breaks and just whenever we miss each other’s voices.

One day we’ll be living together and we won’t have to deal with the challenges of being a little far apart. What matters to me now is keeping our hearts and souls close. Given all the ups and downs we’ve had, I think we’ve done an amazing job, and to this day there’s no one else I’d rather go to war for in the universe.

Who knows, even when we live together I may miss her sometimes. Those trips to the fridge can be isolating and painful. Till then, I like to think my missing her is just a factor that makes me so fond of her. When I see her in 6 days, I’ll get to put it aside for a day and just feel the love.

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