What were you like before you met each other?
I was a hopeful romantic…I mean I was an idiot who wanted nothing more than to believe in the concept of love. There wasn’t a romantic movie I hadn’t watched. Seriously, everything from watching Scott Thomas travel across Europe for a mystery girl, to Elle Woods going to law school to win Warner’s love back. I had read every book. I went on every voyage with Odysseus until he returned to his wife. I danced through Baltimore with Tracy Turnblad all the way into Link Larkin’s heart. Of course you know that I listened to every song, from Whitney’s ballads to Ron Pope’s soft musings.
It was all fair game and I had become an expert at it. I had done all the research and I was waiting patiently for my first true experience. You know what waiting does, right? It builds anxiety. I became desperate for anything, I settled for everything. I had convinced myself that whatever I thought love was, whatever these movies and books and songs had told me about love, none of that could be true. It was all to good to be my reality. I dated a high number of mediocre people. Mediocre, not due to their personalities, but due to my exceptionally high expectations. I had done too much research. My heart had become used to the feeling…that hollow feeling of not being in love.
Eventually, I truly did hit rock bottom. I found myself with someone who I could barely be in the same room as, much less have any sort of conversation with. I told myself that he wasn’t the worst I could do, but let me be the first to admit that he was, without a doubt, the worst of the worst that I could have done.
I needed to know him though. Every time I think about this, I imagine the Hercules movie. You know, the cartoon one, not the new age Dwayne Johnson one that I have refused to watch simply based on principle. I digress. I think of Hercules, specifically, the scene where the Furies are holding the mortal’s thread of life and cackling over the fact that they have the power to do whatever they please. Well, I imagine them looking down at my love life and laughing as they threw me into the lowest position possible to see if my natural instincts would kick in. My two options: Fight or Flight. Well, I picked the hidden option. I jumped…and then I flew.
I flew right into the waiting arms of my first love. My only love. The love of my life.
So now I dare you to tell me that Elle Woods taught me nothing, or that Odysseus’ journey wasn’t worth it, or that Ron Pope has no idea what he’s talking about. I double dare you.
My research was worth it.
Before I met Olympia, I was a lost soul. Not that I’ve completely found my way since she’s entered my life, but her presence has helped a lot. I didn’t have anyone to express how I felt like I do with her, my mind had a padlock on it and it took a lot of effort to break it off. No one but her could have done it though, she has this way of resonating everything she says deep into my brain.
Before I met Olympia, I was stubborn, I wanted instant gratification, and I was selfish in many ways. That’s a big thing for me to admit because I like to pride myself on giving and helping those who need it, especially the ones I love. However, there are times where my anger or jealousy floods my mind, and I find myself acting selfishly.
After meeting Olympia, and to this day I still have some of these bad habits, but at least I’m trying to fix these things now. Sometimes I make progress and it’s noticeable and it brings a smile to both of our faces. On the contrary, sometimes I slip up and I act selfishly, or live in the moment or past without thinking of future consequences. While we may argue and be upset about slip ups, she knows I will always do my best to control my flaws.
She knows I’m trying constantly to put more trust in her, be more selfless and think about the long run, rather than today. I know trust issues are a running cliché in today’s generation, but I’ve struggled with them a lot. I’ve been hurt deeply a few times, and I guess my main goal is not to categorize Olympia into the group of people who’ve broken my heart. It wouldn’t be fair to group her with them, because while we have our disagreements, she’s never broken my trust, she’s never given me a real reason to feel betrayed.
Moving forward, I just want to put my faith and trust in her hands, 100%. It’s an extremely hard thing to do and I’ve never done it without being shattered, but Olympia is different. She was there when I needed her to listen, before our relationship took that jump to the next level. I’m not trying to give her my trust and dedication out of obligation. I’m giving it to her because she is the one that it belongs to, plain and simple. Too many times she should have left me in the dust, but she stayed. Too many times I’ve thought to myself “Oh now you’ve done it, you lost her this time,” only to find her still here, loving me stronger than ever when the sun rises the next day.
She’s doing everything that other people couldn’t. So before I met Olympia, I was lost. I had many bad habits. I was and still am a good person, but I was troubled and things just weren’t falling into place in my life. After I found her, I also found the will to love again, I found the motivation I needed to better myself, no matter how long and tedious the journey may be. I found the courage to place trust in her, something I never thought I’d be capable again after leaving myself vulnerable far too many times. She proves herself different from the others time after time, whenever my world is clouded with pain or fear, she comes through.
Olympia hasn’t changed me. She’s inspired me to look at myself and decide that I deserve to feel better, and to use the tools that I’ve always had to achieve a state of happiness and completeness that I haven’t reached yet.
I didn’t know at the time, but when I met her, my life was going to drastically change. All I can hope for is that I can keep up the positive change she’s initiated, through the rough times and remain the man she sees as strong and worth all the trouble. For the first time in my life, I believe that someone will be by my side till the end. Every possible emotion runs through my head when I think about that. Having something amazing will always come with the fear of losing it, but when that fear sneaks its way into my conscience, I replace it with an image in my mind’s eye, of her wrinkled hand in mine, 50 years in the future, and I relax.